Let Her Go
by CloudSpires1295
Summary: Sisfic tag to 2x01 "In My Time of Dying". The youngest Winchester deals with the repercussions of a drunken mishap prior to IMTOD. Rated T for language and because it's Supernatural.


**This sisfic takes place during "** ** _In My Time of Dying_** **" and includes the lovely Miss Camille Winchester, my OC and Sam's twin sister. At some point during the course of S1, about eight or so months prior to this episode, Cammy fell pregnant and, when the semi t-boned the Impala in the season finale, was forced into active labor. She realizes that "The Life" is no place for her newborn daughter and gives her up for adoption, despite how much she wants to keep her.**

 **Dean is still in his coma, or wandering the hospital with Tessa, John is making preparations to make a deal with the YED for Dean's life, and Sam is spread thin between worrying over Dean, being pissed at John for being a secretive shit head, and trying to comfort his sister.**

 **This fic is supposed to be focused on Cammy's struggle to come to grips with giving her baby up, so you probably won't see Dean or John. Sammy was too stubborn to stay away.**

 ** _Supernatural_** **is the rightful property of Eric Kripke, I'm just '** ** _borrowing_** **' the episodes and/or characters, and screwing around with them for my own amusement. I promise to return them in one piece… physically, I make no promises about the state of their minds.**

 **P.S. Yes, the fic is named after the song " _Let Her Go_ " by Passenger but is not a songfic.**

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 _"Are you sure this is what you want to do, Miss?_ "

That dreadful, horrible question echoed through Camille's mind as she stood in front of the windows overlooking the nursery, cradling her busted left wrist, wrapped in plaster, in her right hand. She wore a set of hideous but comfortable hospital issue pajamas, some nondescript white non-slip shoes, and a worn pink robe that one of the nurses had given her.

Lank, partially dampened chestnut locks were pulled away from her heart-shaped face in a messy, hasty bun, and her blood shot, puffy blue-green eyes bore dark circles from a sleepless night fraught with tears. The freckles spread over her cheeks stood out in stark contrast against the Winchester's pallid complexion.

Camille Winchester had become a mother.

Her lower regions still ached and throbbed inexorably from the painful ordeal, the wheelchair she'd used to get to the nursery was just a foot away, but still she stood, gazing wantonly into the nursery. Her eyes were only for a tiny baby girl, swaddled in warm pink blankets and crowned with a tuft of downy dark blonde hair. Dean's hair.

 _Dean…_

Cammy felt like the most selfish human being on the planet in that moment, but she couldn't bring herself to give a crap about it for more than a few seconds before her daughter stole her focus once more. Here she was, fresh from a major car accident two days prior; an accident that had put her big brother in a _coma_ and injured her father and twin brother as well as herself, and all she could think about was how the precious life she'd brought into the world; after nearly a whole day of labor, would never be hers again.

Because, as much as she wanted to hold that baby girl close and never let her go, Cammy knew she couldn't bring herself to endanger her daughter's life in that way. The life of a hunter was no place for innocent children, and that was a _normal_ hunter. She… she and her family were in another class entirely.

Funny how, when she'd been sitting in that grimy motel bathroom eight months ago, gawking over three positive pregnancy tests and cursing her stupidity and irresponsibility, she'd never considered how attached she'd get to the little life growing within her. She'd sworn up and down that she didn't want the baby, that she hated being pregnant and would give the little bugger up for adoption as soon as it popped out of her… but when the Winchester heard those accursed words, " _it's a girl_ ," she was forced to realize what she'd been lying to herself about all along.

She _wanted_ this baby, drunken mistake be damned, and she loved it more than anything else in her life, even Sammy and Dean… but she couldn't have her and her heart was imploding within her chest because of it.

"Cammy?"

Cammy broke away from the window and grabbed onto the sill to keep herself steady as she turned to watch Sam walk over to her, concern evident in his identical blue-green eyes. She forced a thin, brittle smile, "just making sure she's alright. I was on my way back to my room."

"Cam, I was watching you," Sam murmured, "you've been standing here for almost 25 minutes." His gaze flickered to the precious bundle towards the back of the nursery, and his eyes softened, "you know, if you wanted to take her and get out of this… hellhole we call a life, I'd understand."

"Haven't we tried that already, Sammy?" Cammy responded morosely, "Remember Stanford? It won't matter how far we run, this life will always be waiting in the wings to suck us right back in. We Winchesters are cursed like that. I can't," she paused to take a deep breath as a wad of emotion lodged in her throat and brought tears to her stinging eyes, "I can't endanger her like that. I won't."

"It doesn't matter," the female Winchester laughed bitterly, with no humor, "I've already signed my name on the dotted line. She's not mine anymore. She's gonna go home with a nice, _normal_ family of people who don't know what really goes bump in the night and I'm going to feel good about it because it's the right thing to do."

"Even if it's breaking your heart?" Sam queried quietly, reaching out to wipe a tear from her cheek with his thumb, "Cammy—"

"All that shit I said about not wanting a kid and wanting to give her up for adoption," she whispered, "it was all a lie, something to try and keep myself from bonding with her. It all crumbled to pieces when I heard her start crying and the doctor laid her on my chest. Sammy, I love her and I want to keep her, but I just… I can't justify exposing her to _this_ ," she waved a hand between the two of them, "just because I'm selfish and don't want to lose anything."

"You wanting to keep your baby isn't you being selfish, sis," the youngest Winchester brother gently took his twin's uninjured hand in his, "that's you being a mother."

"How's Dean and Dad?" Cammy inquired, swiftly changing the subject to keep herself from breaking down entirely. The mild bitchface that contorted her twin brother's features told her that Sam wasn't fooled in the least, but he didn't try to deny her the distraction.

"Dad's awake and being… well, being _Dad_ ," Sam grumbled, "but Dean… Dean's liver and kidneys are messed up and he's showing signs of swelling on the brain. He's not showing any signs of waking up and the doctors are starting to think that he won't."

"Well they don't know Dean," the youngest Winchester responded, "our stubborn ass of a brother isn't gonna go down that easy."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Sam smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes, "want me to wheel you up to Dean and Dad's floor?"

"Mmhm." Cammy cast one last glance towards her daughter before using her grip on Sam's hand as leverage to hobble back over to her wheelchair and settle down on it. She supposed that this was just gonna be one of those things in her life that she'd never really heal from. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, forcing herself to stop obsessing over the child that was no longer hers. Her last name was Winchester and Winchesters didn't show weakness... even when there was no enemy to benefit from it.

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 **I feel compelled to write a prequel, but damn it all, summer school is ruining my life by preventing me from writing on a regular basis. If I do write one, it'll be up on the site, if I don't... well, then I don't. I have mixed feelings about how this fic panned out, but I'll let you readers be the judge instead of picking this shot apart piece by piece and wondering why I wrote something or another instead of another something or another. Being a fanfic writer sucks sometimes.**

 **~ _CloudSpires1295_ ~**


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